Somebody’s Mama

(c) Open Hearted

(c) Open Hearted

I’m a mama. On March 13  at 2:18 pm our beautiful daughter was born 7 lb 10 oz and 21 inches. After 24 hours of labor I pushed this teeny little being out of my body. The doctor and nurse told me most women push for a few hours, and I thought no way she’s coming in an hour.  I opened my eyes during the last push and all I could see was the back of this tiny, fuzzy little head.  A noise escaped my throat that I’d never heard before.  It was a cry of raw, pure, joy.  In that moment I became a mama. This was my little baby.  Our family was now three forever after.  The doctor placed her on my chest for a moment and she felt warm and squashy.  I held her inches from my face.  I can’t even remember H standing next to me and looking on us both.  I wish I’d looked up and memorized his expression.

He coached me through labor brilliantly.  He did everything I needed and it was hard for him to see me in so much pain.  He got tears in his eyes and he watched our little girl welcomed into the light of our world.  He took such good care of me and hesitated before going over with the baby when she went to get cleaned off.  I’ve never seen anything as wonderful as a new dad taking in every little detail of his new daughter.  Her dark brown hair, almond shaped puffy eyes, pink skin, teeny nose, and long froggy-like hands and fingers.

Then the nurse brought her back over to me inthe hospital bed and I snuggled her on my chest. We made a flurry of phone calls and texts to let everyone know she was here.  I kept her in my arms the whole time.  The sun was streaming through the window on an unusually beautiful San Francisco afternoon.  We became parents that day.  I felt reborn myself.  Parts of me came alive that had never woken up before. Parts I didn’t even know I had.  I felt a deep and profound love down to the toes of my soul.  I instantly loved this little baby with more than everything I had in my heart.  She was perfect. When I laid eyes on her she didn’t feel familiar, but my first thought was, of course.  Of course this is our baby.  This little one chose us.  My heart was ripped wide open.

I hope to write down a more in depth birth story soon, but I’m too tired to do it now.

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