Finding My Tribe

Admission: I have no good friends.  It would be great if you could just, you know, pretend to be surprised about this fact.

I had a pity party for myself on my birthday a few weeks ago about this very thing.  My husband might describe it a touch less gently as complete and total nuclear meltdown.  All this clearing out stuff I talked about though, it’s led to more doing.

After I cried my eyes out, I asked myself what I should do about making friends.  Instead of Facebooking, I texted an acquaintance to get sushi out of the blue.  I set up a dinner with some women who seemed pretty wonderful that I’m taking a Hebrew class with.  I was shocked at how easy it was and that everyone responded really enthusiastically.  Everything I was afraid of – that no one would respond, that people would think it was a stupid idea… none of it happened. (You may have this unnerving sense that you’re all of the sudden reading the blog of a 12 year old girl.. Rest assured, still me.  My social skills, however, have not evolved past sixth grade.)

I put myself out on a limb, exposed myself, and felt all vulnerable and all that yuckiness.  But that discomfort was all worth it.  It led to a few really fun nights.  Taking small steps, doing little things, ended up making me feel so much better.  I remembered that I had the ability to change my circumstances again.  It was awesome.

What do I want?  I want a tribe of women. A group of women who know me, who see me, who I feel comfortable with.  Real friends, who really love me, who help hold each other up. I’m working my way there step by step.

Update: I also started reading MWF seeks BFF to get a little more perspective on this whole making friends thing and I’m pretty excited about it so far! Will post a review when I’m done.