Two Steps Forward One Step Back – One Month

Tired Mama and Baby (c) Open Hearted

Tired Mama and Baby (c) Open Hearted

The little booger turned one month old on Saturday.  It’s been two steps forward and one step back since day one.  We’re locked in a constant back and forth that I sometimes find comfort in, and sometimes find maddening. Take two nights ago. She slept for five solid hours.  That is the longest chunk of uninterrupted sleep I’ve had since she was born (by two hours!). Then last night she woke up at 2 am tummy hurting and slept on and off until 10 am.  Either me or H was awake the whole time comforting her as she whimpered in between sleep and wakefulness.
I know that it will get better and it will get worse.  I try to accept it and stick with each moment. Though I dare you not to hope that when your infant sleeps five hours one night she’ll do it again the next.

But then I’ll notice something that’s changed one morning. Her hands are bigger, her cheeks are rounder, she smiles at the sound of my voice or laughs in her sleep for the first time. Two rough hands grab me around the shoulders and shake me awake, opening my eyes to what’s in front of me.  I find the gratitude and I’m so grateful for this blessing – a sweet, healthy, little girl.  By 5 pm after a day with 20 minute naps I’ll forget again, but the cycle continues.

When she finally sleeps snuggled against me, I smell her head and remember, whispering thank you, thank you, thank you out into the universe.

Favorite Moment of the Day:

I took her out of the moby wrap while she was still sleeping. She stayed scrunched up in the fetal position when I laid her down on the couch on her back.  She let out a sigh and pulled her knees up to her chest and stretched her little arms high over her head, yawning.

Something to Remember – March:

The awe I felt meeting our girl the moment she was born. Seeing a life where previously there wasn’t one you can’t help but believe in some greater life force – God, the universe, whatever floats your boat.  It’s a miracle no matter how you look at it. From a few tiny cells a whole life comes to be.

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