Though I’m married, and at an “acceptable” age to have kids, whatever that means, I’ve neither heard my biological clock ticking, nor have I had an inexplicable urge to snatch a baby from the nearest stroller to snuggle him in my arms and smell his head.
I’ve always wanted children and so has the husband, but the when part was very hazy. Anytime I saw a movie or read anything about a woman giving birth I went into a complete tail spin. Hard to breathe, thinking: “Ah do they really stitch your private parts up, for real? No thank you. MmmMmm not happening until they figure out pain-free child labor.”
Then a bit sooner than we expected, we were blessed with a baby. I’m officially five weeks pregnant. We’re excited and overwhelmed and experiencing a whole bucket load of emotions. BUT, my hormones have turned me into The Dude, Jeffrey Lebowski. I just kind of go with what comes along now. My brain used to freak out at the thought of giving birth. The hormones are a really powerful, really good drug though. Now every time I think, “Ah I’m having a kid!” and what that means, I get to the verge of panicking. Then, “Hey, hey you. Remember? You looovee the babies,” this new voice says to me, sounding mysteriously like Barry White (huh?). “Oh… right, yeah, I love the babies. But, but, but… “No you reallly loove the babies.” “Oh yeah, I really do love the babies. Guys, guys! I really love the babies! Child birth, it’s cool. I’m cool, I got this.”
Everything feels fine, everything feels easy. It’s like I’ve hypnotized myself, or the baby-growing hormones have completely and totally taken over. My body keeps saying, “I got this we’re good. It’s all good baby.” My hormones are making me feel in balance and awesome all the frigging time and I loveses it. Of course I don’t expect this to last more than five minutes. I know there will be lots and lots of ups and downs over the course of the next nine months or so.
Tonight, though, I was cooking dinner and It’s Hip to Be Square came on my iPod. What can I say I’m a sucker for 80s music. I felt this little rush of joy dancing around the kitchen, and I had this sense that I wasn’t alone. I was dancing with my new little one, sharing a little secret with him or her that’s it’s cool to shake your booty, just smile, and enjoy. So thanks little one, for picking us. We can’t wait for you to join us out here. I already feel your little soul hanging around and I know this is going to be one awesome adventure.
I debated for a while whether to post about having a baby. I decided that I love writing here because I write about whatever I want. So here it is. I wrote this entry on July 2 and will be posting a few other backlogged posts this week.