Finding My Tribe

Admission: I have no good friends.  It would be great if you could just, you know, pretend to be surprised about this fact.

I had a pity party for myself on my birthday a few weeks ago about this very thing.  My husband might describe it a touch less gently as complete and total nuclear meltdown.  All this clearing out stuff I talked about though, it’s led to more doing.

After I cried my eyes out, I asked myself what I should do about making friends.  Instead of Facebooking, I texted an acquaintance to get sushi out of the blue.  I set up a dinner with some women who seemed pretty wonderful that I’m taking a Hebrew class with.  I was shocked at how easy it was and that everyone responded really enthusiastically.  Everything I was afraid of – that no one would respond, that people would think it was a stupid idea… none of it happened. (You may have this unnerving sense that you’re all of the sudden reading the blog of a 12 year old girl.. Rest assured, still me.  My social skills, however, have not evolved past sixth grade.)

I put myself out on a limb, exposed myself, and felt all vulnerable and all that yuckiness.  But that discomfort was all worth it.  It led to a few really fun nights.  Taking small steps, doing little things, ended up making me feel so much better.  I remembered that I had the ability to change my circumstances again.  It was awesome.

What do I want?  I want a tribe of women. A group of women who know me, who see me, who I feel comfortable with.  Real friends, who really love me, who help hold each other up. I’m working my way there step by step.

Update: I also started reading MWF seeks BFF to get a little more perspective on this whole making friends thing and I’m pretty excited about it so far! Will post a review when I’m done.

4 thoughts on “Finding My Tribe

  1. I totally agree!! Only recently have I found a friend of a friend who has the potential BFF vibe. It’s like dating. You have to put the time and energy into learning their likes and dislikes, spending time together, making an effort to communicate. But it’s worth it when they pick up the phone and say “Wanna come over in an hour for wine?”

    What city are you in? I’m in LA.

    • It’s totally like dating, awkward moments and all! But yes – it’s totally worth stumbling through. I’m in San Francisco, though my parents are just outside LA (grew up in Chicago).

  2. Pingback: Horsies with a Dash of Life Lessons Thrown In | Open Hearted

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